There was a time when I thought I had all the answers. I believed that if I could just work hard enough, think long enough, or push people in the right direction, everything would fall into place. I wanted to play God—not just in my own life, but in the lives of others. I thought I knew what was best for everyone, including myself. But my sponsor, my home group, and the 12 Steps showed me a different way. They taught me, through their example and a clear set of actions, that surrendering to God was the only real path to peace.
At first, I resisted. Surrender sounded like giving up, and I didn’t like the idea of not being in control. But the harder I tried to run my life on my own terms, the more I struggled. I exhausted myself trying to force outcomes that were never mine to control. I watched relationships crumble because I couldn’t accept people as they were. I suffered under the weight of expectations that were impossible to meet.
Then, one day, I had to face the truth: I was losing the battle. No matter how much I tried to fix, manage, and control, I was still stuck. That’s when my sponsor and my home group stepped in. They had been where I was, and they knew the way out. But they didn’t just tell me what to do—they showed me.
Learning to Surrender
My sponsor was the first person who truly helped me understand what surrender looked like in action. They didn’t fight every battle, and they didn’t waste energy trying to change people who didn’t want to change. Instead, they turned to God. They prayed. They listened. They let go of the things they couldn’t control and focused on their own recovery.
My home group showed me that I wasn’t alone in my struggle. I saw people who had once tried to control everything, just like me. But through the 12 Steps, they had learned to trust God’s plan. They didn’t try to force their will on others. Instead, they lived in peace, knowing that God was in charge. Seeing their example made me want what they had.
Then came the real challenge—putting surrender into practice. Step Three told me to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. That sounded simple, but doing it was another story. I could say the words, but truly letting go in my heart was much harder. I had to ask God for help, over and over again. I had to pray, listen, and remind myself that I wasn’t in control—God was.
From the Head to the Heart
Understanding surrender in my mind was one thing. Living it was another. My sponsor told me that if I only understood it in my head but didn’t trust it in my heart, I would fall back into the disease. That scared me because I knew how easy it was to slip into old patterns. I didn’t want to go back to a life ruled by fear and control. I had to let the idea of surrender sink deep into my heart.
The only way to do that was through action. I started practicing small acts of surrender every day. When I caught myself trying to control someone else’s choices, I stopped and prayed instead. When I felt overwhelmed by fear about the future, I reminded myself that God had a plan. When I felt the urge to push my own will onto a situation, I took a step back and let things unfold naturally.
Slowly, I began to feel the difference. The weight on my shoulders started to lift. I didn’t have to figure everything out. I didn’t have to make everything happen. I just had to trust God and take the next right step.
Trusting the Process
Letting go and trusting God doesn’t mean life is always easy. But today, I know that I don’t have to carry the burden alone. I have a Higher Power who guides me, a sponsor who supports me, and a home group that reminds me to stay on the path.
If I try to take control again, I know where that road leads—back to fear, frustration, and eventually, back to the disease. But if I trust the process, keep an open heart, and follow the guidance of the 12 Steps, I stay free.
Surrender isn’t about weakness. It’s about faith. It’s about knowing that God’s plan is greater than mine. And today, I choose to let Him lead the way.
You gottawanna love and be free I love you I hope you can find a way to love yourself as well. Stop spreading hate and pretending its being of service.
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