How God, a Sponsor, a Homegroup, and the 12 Steps Helped Me Understand True Compassion

Sober AA Member
Jun 5
4 min read

When I first came into the rooms of recovery, I didn’t really know what compassion meant. I thought it was just about being nice to people. I didn’t understand how deep it could go or how much it could change my heart. Thanks to God, my sponsor, my homegroup, and the 12 steps, I slowly began to learn that true compassion is about seeing how deeply connected we are to other people. It’s about knowing that the walls we build between ourselves and others aren’t real — they’re only in our minds.

Learning to See Past Myself

At the start, I was mostly worried about myself. I was trapped in my own thoughts, fears, and problems. I spent a lot of time thinking about how people treated me and whether things were fair. My sponsor helped me see that if I wanted to grow, I had to start looking at how I treated others too. She said something I’ll never forget: “When you take the focus off yourself and put it on helping someone else, that’s where the healing happens.”

God gave me the courage to begin shifting my focus. In my homegroup, I listened to other people share about their pain, struggles, and mistakes. I realized I wasn’t alone. We were all trying to heal and live better lives. Little by little, I began to care about what other people were going through, not just about what was happening to me.

Practicing Compassion in Small Ways

My sponsor told me that compassion isn’t just a big, grand thing. It starts with small acts. Every day gives us a chance to practice it. When a family member was rude or a stranger cut me off in traffic, I could either get angry or try to understand what they might be going through.

I remember one time a man yelled at me in a store for something small. Before recovery, I would have snapped back. But this time, I paused and asked God to help me stay calm. I thought about how it feels to have a bad day. I thought about the times I’d taken my frustration out on others. I didn’t yell back. I just said, “I hope your day gets better.” That was a small act of compassion, but it made a big difference to me. It reminded me that we’re all fighting battles others can’t see.

Facing the Harder Situations

Compassion gets tougher when people really hurt us or when we can’t understand their actions. That’s when it matters most. My sponsor and homegroup taught me that those moments are chances to grow. Step work helped me look at myself — my fears, anger, and pride. The 12 steps, especially steps 4 and 10, showed me where I held onto old pain and blame.

In those hard moments, I learned to ask myself: What part of me is hurt right now? Why does this bother me so much? And most importantly, Can I choose to be kind anyway? God gave me the strength to forgive people, not because they always deserved it, but because I deserved peace.

The Illusion of Separation

Through working the steps and listening to my homegroup, I began to understand a beautiful truth: the boundaries we think exist between people are not real. We are all more alike than we are different. We all feel joy, sadness, anger, and love. We all make mistakes. When I remember that, it’s easier to be compassionate, even to people who hurt me.

A wise person in my group once said, “Hurt people hurt people.” That stuck with me. I started to see that when someone acts badly, it’s often because they’re in pain. That doesn’t excuse their actions, but it helps me have compassion for their struggle. God reminds me that I, too, have made mistakes and hurt others.

Growing Compassion in Tough Times

The funny thing is, compassion grows strongest during difficult times. It’s easy to be kind when life is good. The real test is when we’re tired, angry, or scared. That’s when we have to call on all the lessons we’ve learned.

I remember a time when a friend let me down badly. I wanted to cut them off. My sponsor said, “You can set a boundary without losing compassion.” She taught me to separate the person from their actions. With God’s help, I forgave my friend in my heart, even though I chose to step back from the friendship. That’s compassion too — wishing someone well, even from a distance.

Lighting the Way for Others

Compassion isn’t just something we keep inside. It’s something we share. The more we practice it, the more we light the way for others. In my homegroup, I see this all the time. Someone comes in, broken and afraid, and the group wraps them in kindness and understanding. It makes them feel safe. It gives them hope.

God works through people. Every time I show compassion, I become a small part of God’s love on Earth. That’s a powerful thing.

Today, thanks to God, my sponsor, my homegroup, and the 12 steps, I know that true compassion sees no boundaries. It recognizes the deep connection between all of us. It starts small — with a kind word, a patient heart, or a forgiving spirit — and grows strongest in hard times. Compassion teaches us that we don’t have to understand someone’s actions to care about their pain.

I’m still learning every day. But I have faith that if I keep working the steps, staying connected to my Higher Power, listening to my sponsor, and showing up for my homegroup, my heart will keep growing. And every time I choose compassion over anger, I get a little closer to becoming the person God made me to be.

Would you like me to create a peaceful blog image with a quote about compassion to go with this too?