I walked into the rooms of Al-Anon carrying a heavy load of guilt and regret. I had made mistakes—some big, some small—but all of them felt like chains weighing me down. I believed that I had done too much wrong to deserve mercy. I thought my past defined me. But in Al-Anon, I discovered something life-changing: God’s mercy is bigger than any mistake I’ve made.
Broken But Not Beyond Repair
When I first came to Al-Anon, I thought I was beyond fixing. I had spent years trying to control things I had no power over. I had hurt people I loved, and I had hurt myself. I thought my mistakes would always follow me like a shadow.
But then I started listening. I heard people share about their own mistakes, regrets, and pain. I saw how they had found peace despite their pasts. They weren’t perfect, but they were free. I wanted that freedom, but I didn’t know how to get it.
The Power of Surrender
One of the biggest lessons I learned in Al-Anon was that I didn’t have to carry my mistakes alone. Step Three taught me to turn my will and my life over to God. At first, this scared me. What if He judged me the way I judged myself?
But as I listened to others who had worked the Steps, I realized that God wasn’t waiting to punish me—He was waiting to heal me. His mercy wasn’t based on how well I had behaved. It wasn’t something I had to earn. It was already there, waiting for me to accept it.
When I finally surrendered, I felt relief. My mistakes hadn’t disappeared, but they no longer controlled me. I wasn’t trapped by my past. God’s mercy gave me a fresh start.
Making Amends, Not Staying in Shame
Step Eight and Step Nine helped me see that making amends didn’t mean staying stuck in guilt. I couldn’t change the past, but I could take responsibility for my actions and try to make things right. I asked God to guide me as I reached out to those I had hurt.
Some people forgave me, and some didn’t. But the most important thing was that I stopped punishing myself. God’s mercy reminded me that I was more than my worst mistakes.
Learning to Forgive Myself
Forgiving others was easier than forgiving myself. I held onto guilt like a shield, afraid that if I let go, I would forget my lessons. But in the rooms of Al-Anon, I learned that self-forgiveness isn’t about forgetting—it’s about moving forward.
God had already forgiven me. My sponsor reminded me that if I truly believed in God’s mercy, I had to extend that same mercy to myself. That was when I finally understood: beating myself up didn’t make me a better person. Accepting God’s mercy did.
Living in Grace, Not in Regret
Al-Anon taught me that I am not defined by my mistakes. I am defined by how I choose to live today. God’s mercy covers every wrong turn I have taken, every poor choice I have made, and every regret I have carried. I don’t have to stay stuck in shame. I can walk forward in grace.
Now, when I look back at my past, I don’t see a hopeless case. I see a person who was lost but found. A person who was broken but healed. A person who thought they were beyond mercy, only to discover that God’s mercy has no limits.
If you feel like your mistakes are too big, too many, or too unforgivable, know this: God’s mercy is bigger. You are not your past. You are not your worst moment. You are loved, forgiven, and free to start again.
Be free it's OK no one is holding you back , no one wishes you anything but a happy life full of love and purpose so please with love enjoy your freedom do not keep looking back let it go you gottawanna live with joy
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