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Writer's pictureSober AA Member

Finding Freedom through Al-Anon: Letting Go of the Need to Control Others

Have you ever wished you could control everything around you? Maybe you've wanted to make your friends always agree with you or your family members do exactly what you say. It's natural to want things to go our way, but sometimes we forget that we can't control other people's lives and behaviors. I learned this important lesson through a special group called Al-Anon, and it helped me find a way to be free from negative feelings and the constant desire to control.


Al-Anon is a place where people gather to support each other when their loved ones are struggling with something called alcoholism. Alcoholism is when someone can't stop drinking alcohol even though it's causing problems in their life. Al-Anon helps us understand that we can't make someone stop drinking or change their behavior if they don't want to. This was a hard idea for me to understand at first. I thought if I said the right things or did the right things, I could make everything better. But that's not how it works.


Trying to control others can lead to bad feelings like anger, frustration, and even hate. When we want things to be a certain way and they're not, it can make us feel really upset. Imagine you want to play a game, but your friend wants to do something else. You might feel angry because you can't control their choice. This is a bit like what I felt when I couldn't control my loved one's drinking.


Al-Anon taught me a different way of thinking. Instead of trying to control others, I learned to focus on myself and what I can control. I can control how I react to situations, how I take care of myself, and how I make choices that are good for me. It's like steering my own ship instead of trying to steer someone else's ship.


One of the most important things I learned is to let go of hate. Hate is a strong word, but sometimes we feel it when things don't go the way we want. I used to feel hate towards the situation I was in and towards the person who was struggling with alcohol. But hate doesn't make anything better. It just makes us feel worse.


Al-Anon showed me that I could let go of hate by understanding that people have their own struggles and their own reasons for doing things. Instead of hating, I learned to show love and compassion, even if I didn't agree with their choices. This made a big difference in how I felt inside. I felt lighter and happier when I let go of hate.


Being a part of Al-Anon also helped me make friends who understood what I was going through. We shared our stories and supported each other. Knowing that I wasn't alone made me feel stronger and less trapped by the need to control. I realized that I could't control others, but I could control how I reacted to their actions.


So, if you ever feel like you want to control everything around you, remember that it's okay to want things to go well, but we can't control others. We can control how we react and how we take care of ourselves. And sometimes, by letting go of the need to control, we can find freedom from negative feelings like hate and frustration. Just like Al-Anon helped me, you can also find ways to be free and happier.



You gottawanna be free to live, love and have peace in your life. Enjoy your freedom, enjoy your recovery keep moving on. Let the haters hate you don't have to be a part of it. Let it go live your best life now. Stop obsessing on others and focusing on what they did to you. It’s poison to the soul and those who embrace and encourage your anger are only feeding it and helping you stay committed to misery. Find your peace with God the source its not people.


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